Burnin' to be free

By myself....

2012-01-13T20:48:00.002-05:00

how many of you all remember wanting to spend time "by myself" when you were a teenager?..Ryley wants to spend more time alone in her room and with her friends than she ever wants to spend with any of us and it's driving me bonkers. It's made worse by the fact that she is not really pleasant when she is made to be with us. At the same time, she seems well adjusted and happy and I am not really worried that this behavior means more than it does, I just think we are not particularly important to her and she can not help but show it. were we all like that?...because I don't remember myself that way, I remember social things being massively important, but I think if I remember correctly, I also liked being with all of you. Thoughts anyone?

on another side note, I take the NCLEX on Feb2...any tips????

January, and a whole new year!

2012-01-01T23:17:00.000-05:00

WOW! Last year went SUPER fast, and here we are, already in a new year. Connor is on break until January 9th, so we still have a little time to get used to this year, and with it being the last year for the human race, there's a lot to get used to. For one, there's a new number to write, and I can't really get used to that many 2s in a date. Wild. Also, it's cold finally! Talk about a slap in the face - I mean, "Hello, I'm the new year, you're all going to die soon, and oh, it's going to be cold too." Thanks, year! Geez.

Where is everyone? Nobody posted, or even commented, since I last wrote. I'm pretty sure my whole family is still alive thus far, so probably somebody should write more often than once every 3 months. I'm busy, I'm writing. I know you're busy, but you should write too!

I switched my personal blog back to Blogger, mostly because of the connection that Blogger has to Google+, and the fact that WordPress is so anti-Google it's sad... no connection to Picasa, Youtube, nothing. So here I am, back with the original, and though I had that eye surgery last year I still think the name is applicable. Having been almost totally blind for a long time, I'm almost qualified to say that I know what it's like to be blind. But seeing.

Anyway, somebody post something. This is boring otherwise.

Piano Maestro

2011-10-19T08:25:00.001-05:00

Connor has been getting piano lessons since this summer, and it's pretty amazing to me that he can read music now. It's taking some time because they first started with just numbering fingers, but now they're working on matching those numbered fingers with notes on a clef, and like a foreign language, kids pick up on that kind of learning so quickly! I'm only hoping that someday he can teach me piano, since I've wanted lessons forever. I'm SO glad he likes it, because listening to it makes me happy, and I wouldn't want to force it on him! Lucky for me, he's practicing without being told - it's a natural calling for him. Enjoy!

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

2011-09-23T12:05:00.000-05:00

So the other day (September 19th) it was International Talk Like A Pirate day, and Elly really got into it. I think Craig had something to do with it, and the fact that she copies everything Connor does helped her "act" too. Anyway, thought you guys would enjoy this!

Baseball, Birthday, School.

2011-09-07T14:37:00.001-05:00

Ok, since I got rid of Facebook (waiting for Google+), I figured I'd get a blog entry going for some of the things that have happened lately.First off, it's the end of summer, so I posted a bunch of pictures of being at the beach, being at mom's house, baseball games, etc. They're cute. There are also pictures of Connor's b'day party, including the infamous "poop cake" - totally gross! The day before his birthday we went to a Tigers game, that was super fun and we have pics of that too. Connor and Elly ran the bases after the game - Elly is still talking about it! Lastly, I included pics of Connor's first day of second grade - he is SO stinkin gorgeous I don't even know what to do with him. His new school has a uniform, and he insisted on wearing the tie too - he was a heartstopper. We've gotten a bunch of crap from neighborhood parents that think charter schools are terrible for children, so going into this new school was a little freaky for us. It's only the second day, but Connor's doing well, everyone has been friendly and helpful, and I'm not one to really listen to what other people have to say, anyway. Especially PTO moms, snooty stuck up ones that think they know what's best for everyone. Blech. Last news - Ann finally decided she doesn't hate me, or at least she's going to pretend to like me a little more. She sent me a text saying "Lets smoke a peace pipe." I guess we're friends again. Whatev... Anyway, that's what's new in our lives, what's new in yours?

2011 End of Summer

Freshmen

2011-08-17T13:13:00.002-05:00

I had to go to freshman parent night yesterday, and today i had to drop Ryley off for a 3 hour freshman orientation. I didn't know I would feel this way, but it hit me when she left the car, -I'm freaked out. I am way to young and frankly inadequate feeling to have a child in high school. I want to help guide her way without being overbearing, I want to at least feel like I know how to do that, but sadly I do not. Wish me luck, cause ready or not...here it comes:)

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T22:09:00.001-05:00

Hey, you may think it's getting old to watch videos for every holiday/celebration kind of day, but I think it's fun! Plus, it's too late to call anyone or wish anyone a happy day, cuz there are only 40 minutes left in the day. So here's what I came up with:

Happy Birthday Carole!

2011-06-16T20:02:00.001-05:00

Aaron

2011-05-10T16:30:00.000-05:00

Alright,

So I just want family to know whats going on with me and my smaller family. Sophie and I are doing ok. We’re happy to be together, and have fun doing stuff together. The weather is getting a lot nicer, so we’re outside a lot more, and enjoy just being us.

Aaron on the other hand is having a really hard time getting used to the ‘family’ idea. I have been trying to help him in any way possible and he is always resistant. Yesterday he did a strange thing that he normally doesn’t do, so I talked to Chris about it, and Chris thought maybe Aaron was having a nervous breakdown or possibly suicidal. I didn’t know what to do, cause right now, at this point in our relationship, Aaron is really strong headed and doesn’t hear anything I say. If I say ‘I love you, and just want you to get better’, he says something like ‘Sure you do, I just bet it’s for me’. Somewhere in our relationship he started thinking that everything I said and did was just for me, and I stopped caring or loving him.

Now, last night - Chris called a crisis hotline, and they said we just need to be supportive and talk to him. I was on the phone too, and basically was telling these people that that is how I am, and make no progress. Chris and I were discussing possibilities to help him out, and we thought calling Micah, his best friend from high school might be able to help in some way. Chris thought that Aaron was suicidal, and that he could even be aggressive and dangerous for me to be around. I mentioned that Seth seemed really logical and opened up to me about his situation, and might be helpful. Chris immediately went and told Seth what was going on, and they came over here to talk to Aaron, and hopefully help him. I showered with Sophie and kept her away from the whole situation really, because she doesn’t need to be a part of that.

It was decided, by Seth and Chris’ persistence and Aaron's agreement and commitment, that Aaron would talk to a psychiatrist and try to work on his anxiety and depression problems. I know Aaron would probably not want me to be going with him, but Seth and Chris both offered to even go to his appointments with him for support. I’m not sure how this will all pan out.

Aaron last night agreed that he has some issues he needs to work on, and that without working on those problems he cannot really have a relationship with me or Sophie. I am not sure where we are right now, Aaron still loves me and I still love him. I know, personally, that if Aaron wants to work out our relationship and continue being ‘us’ then I definitely want to try too. I also know that if Aaron says that he thinks this ‘life’ he has chosen is too much for him, and he can’t be happy with us around, we will leave.

I know I’m selfish in that I want him to get better and have him realize it wasn’t us that he couldn’t handle, but the way he was acting/reacting to things that happened in life that were really minuscule, but to him they were exaggerated. I know that I want him to get better so we can start having a more peaceful and happy time together. I also know that if Aaron said he would be happier without me or Sophie in his life, I will be selfless and let him go. Sophie and I are strong, and will be able to get through this, but I do want support, love and care from my family.

I do not want you to be demeaning or negative in any way about Aaron. If that is how you feel about him, please keep it to yourself. I know my husband is a good man and that’s why I love and care about him. He is going through something in his life you are all lucky you’ve never experienced (and if you have experienced it, you probably shouldn’t be down on him but supportive).

I need support. I need to know you guys care about me, but also about Aaron. I know he’s kept to himself a lot, but he hasn’t been mean or negative to any of you when he’s around. In fact, you all seem to get along with him when he’s around, especially all of the kids. He’s had a small family, a very sheltered life, and I think he’s scared of you guys, just like I think he’s scared of Sophie and I. We’re all a lot for him to handle and he needs support and love too.

Please be the family I know you are, and just be gentle and kind.

Love you all,
~Carole

Mother's Day

2011-05-07T15:34:00.000-05:00

Happy Mother's Day to my four beautiful mother/daughters.

Be good to your selves today and every day!

Without you love, patience, kindness and direction, your kids don't have a chance!

So be as good to yourselves as you can because they need you more than you think!

Love You All - My Special Daughters/Moms

Mom

spices

2011-03-26T16:28:00.001-05:00

what spices do you use the most while cooking?

update

2011-03-12T21:44:00.002-05:00

Don't know if any of you will respond, but here's an update. Most recently I went to an orthoped surg and had an MRI on my newly malfunctioning knee. Turns out I have a torn medial meniscus.... don't have more details than that...don't know the zone the tear is in or type of tear it is, but they said it required surgery to fix it.. on the one hand I am so glad because other things have not been fixable...but.. I am also plenty scared of having surgery..now, or after the semester is done,...or ever really. We don't have a family history of surgery even, and I just am freaked out about recovery, and living so far from anyone that might be able to provide help if i need it, and going under and staying under permanently...Then theres the option of ignoring the pain, and never being able to go for a run again, or crawl around on the floor with my kids, or anything in between. No time seems to be a good time for surgery, and no time seems like a good time not to have it either. So, any suggestions on what i might want to ask my doctors before I decide... what should I know but will forget to ask?

And By the way, how are all of you?

2011-02-19T21:25:00.002-05:00

I don't like how busy weve all become, and how judgemental, and how opinionated...Family is supposed to just love unconditionally and be there for each other I think. Sure we will all be different...even very, and we'll also have opinions, even about each other.....but when push comes to shove, there should always be somewhere for us all to turn, and I don't always feel like there is. I have not been feeling well lately guys...multiple joint are bothering me like you wouldnt believe, my psoriasis on my head is crazy bad, i hemorrhaged at the dentist the other day, my periods have been unbearable and then I found these weird nodes,..multiple, on the back of my neck. So of course around the same time I was reading about cancers like leukemia and lymphoma for school, and it said one of the very 1st signs of lymphoma is nodes on the posterior neck and sooo... then of course a ton of red flags went off. I wondered who I could call, who i could talk to,(besides Kevin), and none of you all really came to mind. Then I started wondering if any of you ever have stuff going on like that and don't feel like you can call me either...and then i started thinking that that really sucks. I have a good life, but on a bad day when I need to talk, I want to sometimes talk to any one of you and know that you would hug me if we were together and all the same not hold it over me,(or my family/ husband for all the rest of the years to come). More importantly, it crossed my mind that if I did have lymphoma, i would not want attention from all y'all just because of it. Anyway, all of that is not a pity party or cry for help or anything. I wish we were all closer so I could turn to you and have a shoulder if I needed one. i miss you all immensely and have great hopes of closer relationships with all of you and your children in the near future. By the way, I did go to the doctor and she said not to worry....shes a crappy doctor though...she said they were inflamed nodes..yes...but not big enough yet to worry. She saw me for 4 minute literally...no blood work...nothing..Thats fine enough with me though, because besides all the complaints I already listed, I feel great. I just miss you guys so... thought I'd share

Savannah

2011-02-06T20:02:00.002-05:00

Hey um guys...Savannah turned 6 last week and no one(but mom) remembered. I didn't want to even say anything but she was asking ?'s to which i had no reply.. I know we are all busy... but she is soooo sweet, and I don't like to see her wondering...Hope you are all well._- M

Church

2011-01-24T15:35:00.003-05:00

We went to church yesterday, and it was the first time for me in about 10 years. Maybe more! Craig and I talked about it, and though neither of us were really raised with any strong religious background, we think we could possibly benefit from some spiritual guidance (without all of the thou shalt and thou shalt nots). We also think our kids may gain something from being a part of something more than what we have in our small little circle, some kind of reaching out and being part of a community. So... we went to a Unitarian Universalist church. My friend Laura, way back in high school, went to a UU church, and would tell stories about these cool camps she got to go to, and how she planted a garden or helped build a house with church, so the choice of church wasn't completely random for me. I just wanted something with a more liberal background, and hopefully with a sense of social duty - I want to start volunteering, but I wanted some kind of group to support me rather than doing it alone. Craig is a little indifferent, but I can string him along (and if it's good for momma, it's good for the family). Anyway, it was fun! They have some basic principles, but they welcome people of all faiths. And there wasn't any talk of Jesus or readings from a bible - there was just a simple message (this week it was about gratitude), a few songs. The associate minister was leading the service, and he is a young (mid 30's or early 40's) guy with a family, and he cracked several jokes at certain points, but also was really serious in the "moment of silence", when he was leading the group in prayer for the people in Tunisia, Haiti, the people shot in Arizona, and wherever else in the world there is strife. The senior minister, Gail, is a lesbian and she and her life partner had a union ceremony in the church a few years ago. Everyone was saying she's an amazing speaker - I guess we'll see next week. Then when I went to the "newcomers meeting", I was looking at a bulletin board of all of the different ways of getting involved, and they do a lot. They cook for a different homeless shelter once a month, they build houses for Habitat for Humanity, etc. And Connor had fun in the RE classes downstairs - separated by grade level. He wants to go again - I wanted to get his input because I really don't want to drag everyone into it. I hope we get something out of it. Anyway, just posting really to spice up the blog a little - it's been pretty dull lately!

Fears

2010-11-05T14:13:00.002-05:00

I'm freaking out a little, and it's totally not going to change anything and it's preemptive because I don't know anything, but...

Here's the deal. We took Connor and Elly for their annual checkups yesterday. Elly was fine all around - she's getting bigger, she's advanced in speech, color recognition, counting, other development markers. She's normal in every way, nothing to say for her except "make sure you give her a little discipline for her demands", because she was bossy and pushy and crazy in the room. Our doctor recommended timeouts. Pretty uneventful appointment for her.

Ok, so then we had Connor's checkup. He's still only 38 pounds, the same weight he was a year ago, and his growth in height has slowed too. Lately he has this breathing thing where he acts like he can't catch his breath, so I told the doctor about that, too. She did a peak flow test (you blow on this little device, and it measures the force of your expiration), and he did fine on it. She said it was probably just a little reactive airway, which sometimes happens in kids after they have pneumonia (which he had in June), and could take a few years but it usually disappears. She gave us an inhaler and a spacer, some instruction on how to use it, and said that it was fine to use it once or twice a week, but any more than that we should call her and come in again.

Ok, so then they got their shots, we were getting dressed and ready to go (Elly was screaming her head off because of the shots, so we were in a rush), and Dr. O'Donnell comes back in the room to "ask a few more questions real quick".

She asked me if I had testing for cystic fibrosis when I was pregnant. I said no, we declined that test. She said, "Ok, I just want to cover all bases. We'll wait on testing for that now, it's somewhat uncomfortable. I just wanted to know if you knew if you were a carrier or not. Ok, see you all soon! Bye!"

Then she left the room.

And though this is something that anyone else may have said "Weird..." and then carried on with their day, Craig and I, being nurses, have dwelled and freaked and researched and I've even cried about it. So then I called the doctor today, because I didn't like it that she dropped that bomb at the last second and acted like it was no big deal, and she called back and talked to me for quite a while. Though I know all about cystic fibrosis, she often forgets that we're nurses, so she explained the disease in all the textbook details. She explained the typical traits of a person with the disease and the reasons why she was concerned about it with Connor. When I asked if we could please test for it she said she was relieved, because she really wanted to test for it but didn't want to upset us. Not yet, anyway, because she was going to give it 6 months and check his weight and height again, and then proceed with testing if things didn't improve. But there's no way I can go 6 months wondering if my child has this disease.

Because most children who have cystic fibrosis have a lifespan of about 40 years. If they're lucky.

Ok, so that's all I know for now. We're going to do the tests, we're going to find out the results, and at that point, I'll figure out how I can handle what we hear. I just wanted to share because I don't want to hold this in; I want my family to know because if I get bad results, I'll need you all a lot more.

Dentists

2010-10-11T23:36:00.002-05:00

We're on a dentist kick around here - after never going to the dentist for years now, I decided it's time we all get our butts in for cleanings, and hopefully minimal fillings. Well, Connor was unlucky - and he needed SIX. I was the lucky parent that had to take him in for this torture, and it was probably worse for me than when I had my two front teeth reconstructed after smashing them to bits on a car when I was 11. Connor's eyes told a story that he could never had put into words as clearly (think terror, pain, fear, and pleading, all wrapped into a piercing bright blue), and there was literally nothing I could do to help him! He's numb from the tip of his nose down his neck, except now he's waking up in the middle of the night with a sore face - WONDER WHY?!?!? I asked the dentist why he had cavities so bad - we brush twice a day, and floss at least once a week (which is more than most kids floss, I'm sure), and she said flossing wasn't the issue, as he had no breakdown in between teeth. His teeth upon cleaning were actually relatively free of plaque, which shows good brushing. He just has deep pits! Crap, another stupid terrible gene he inherited from his mom. That kid is amazing, and will do amazing things someday, but I hope a bunch of my terrible crap can bypass his future - acne when he's 30, bad joints and terrible eyes...

I'm rambling pretty bad, but it was just a little traumatic for me today. Craig was acting all stressed when we came home, I guess because he had to make dinner and deal with Elly alone for a few hours, and when I said that what I just went through was WAY harder than what he had to do, he said "What's so hard about going to the dentist, when they're not working on your teeth?" I called him cold and heartless. That was the extent of my ranting earlier, so I saved the best for you all.

I'm just going to have all of my family get teeth removed and have nice dentures made for each of us, so we can avoid this kind of hassle in the future.

/snore

2010-10-10T19:31:00.002-05:00

So the blog is pretty boring as of late. I've been getting on skype and talking to Liz, Dad and Mom. It's pretty fun and Sophie loves it for a few minutes.

You should all get on skype! Just my opinion... since I live far away. But we also don't see much of each other when we live close to each other (less than 3 hour drive) so skype might bring the family closer together too.

My 2 cents.

Dr. Pepper

2010-08-07T16:04:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I wouldn't normally post something like this but Dr. Pepper made with real sugar is back! I hate normal Dr. Pepper, and I love this stuff. So if you want some, let me know, and I'll go find some for you. Hopefully next time we come home we will be driving and we'll bring you some (unless you want to pay for shipping now)! There is Mountain Dew and Pepsi made with real sugar too, but the Dr. Pepper is the best! It's like the Dublin, Dr. Pepper you'd get in Dublin Texas (if anyone has ever tried that stuff it's sweet too!).

Hope you all are having a good summer! Blogging has gone to the wayside but I hope it'll be back when winter rolls around. Love you guys

~Carole

Old Journals

2010-06-03T08:36:00.002-05:00

So today I found some old journals while cleaning and I got all wrapped up in reading them...not a good idea. Well some of the things were cool, like when I wrote about the kids and different milestones or something funny that happened. But some of them were just my thoughts...mostly when distressed. They date back to when Grandma died and I was pregnant with Ryley. I was a crazy wacko then...and I know some of you might be thinking that I still am, but then I really was, my decision making so poor, my emotions wild. The journals are proof of idiocy. So I don't know why I don't get rid of them ....I am blogging about this because I know some of you out there may have opinions about what to do and I'd like to hear why....if there is a good reason to keep them...what the argument in favor of doing so is.

Killdeer in the Tot Lot

2010-05-31T13:51:00.004-05:00

Three days ago, a few guys with some paint company were out painting the rust spots on the fence surrounding the Tot Lot in the backyard. There was a bird out there yelling at them the entire time they were working, so much so that they were actually annoyed by the bird and yelling. When I was talking with them (I on the deck, they down in the Tot Lot), they said that the bird has a nest in the middle of the park, and she's irritated by them painting nearby. When they left, I didn't really give it a second thought... until a group of kids came by, and the bird started yelling at them, too. In fact, throughout the day, every single person that approached the park was met with an angry bird screaming at them the entire time. We decided to go down and find the nest, but after searching for ten minutes or so, we couldn't find it! It seemed strange that the angry bird was still running around screaming at us if her nest was gone, and then we suddenly spotted the eggs. Four little speckled eggs, sitting smack dab in the middle of the woodchips, directly under the ladder to the monkey bars. She (the mother killdeer) must have laid the eggs 5 days ago now, so she'll have little baby killdeer running around the park in about three weeks! The parents (both the female and male have been spotted on the nest) do this hilarious thing where when you approach, they'll run away, lay in the grass/dirt/pavement like they're hurt (they flop their wings upward like they're broken), and try to get you to come find out why or if they are hurt. Then, when you approach, they'll lay like that until you just almost touch them... then they jump up and RUN twenty feet away. I think it's funny because I'm an "intelligent human" and can see beyond their ways - but really, it's a pretty cool trick! They attract attention away from the nest, and a dumb animal (like Gus) could be easily fooled.

Anyway, we put a sign above her nest, hanging from the ladder, and someone came around this morning put a pink ribbon around the entire nesting area, which hopefully our combined efforts will keep people away from the eggs. Baby killdeer are so cute! Above are some pics we took today, and we'll post some more once the eggs hatch.

More school... woo hoo!

2010-05-20T21:26:00.002-05:00

I got my letter today from UofM accepting me into their Family Nurse Midwifery program (family nurse practitioner / certified nurse midwife bundled into one package), to start this fall! YAY FOR MORE OF MY MONEY GOING TO UofM! Our money, actually, cuz Craig's making it all right now. I guess my GI bill is paying for 80% of it, and my student loans take care of the rest, but whatevs. It's going to be a lot of dough. But in four years, I'll be done! I can't even BELIEVE I just typed that. Oy veh.

I guess I should congratulate myself! Yay for me! Am I nuts? Probably.

Ashley's birthday

2010-05-18T12:36:00.002-05:00

So, Ashley's birthday is coming up soon. As per usual, you all have so many children that it is really hard for me to buy all of them something for their birthday's and I do not expect that Ashley would be any different. It is hard enough for me to remember when everyone's birthday is. (which I still don't really know) If you do not get her something (besides Grandma!) then Ashley will not be sad or disappointed. She would rather spend time with you and see you then just get something. (I am guessing or projecting, you pick) If you decide to get her something, the best thing for her right now would be an itunes card. If everyone in the family got her one she would be ecstatic! I figure everyone reads this blog at some point during their busy busy lives so I thought it better to post here! Thanks family. Love ya'll.

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T08:21:00.002-05:00

Happy Mother's Day to my four beautiful mother/daughters.

Be good to your selves today and every day!

Without you love, patience, kindness and direction, your kids don't have a chance!

So be a good to yourselves as you can because they need you more than you think!

Love You All - My Special Daughters/Moms

Mom

Commencement

2010-04-27T22:48:00.003-05:00

It's really late notice, I know, but commencement is coming up this Saturday! and I have eight tickets if anyone wants to go. Craig said I should withhold this information because it will probably deter some from attending, but our President is speaking at our graduation. No, not the president of the University or of the School of Nursing, the President of the United States, Barack Obama (in case you weren't informed of who that is, exactly). I'm excited; regardless of what you think of the person, it's pretty cool to have the current President speak at graduation ceremonies. I'm going to be there.

Please come if you can! Call me!

2010-04-26T07:29:00.000-05:00

Happy 1st Birthday to Sam!!! Time goes by so quickly huh Mar?

Hey

2010-04-19T11:27:00.002-05:00

Hello everyone!! Anyone enjoying the weather like I am? It's so pretty!

I'm excited about the storms coming to Kansas this week! We haven't seen any good storms this spring yet and I'm craving some good storms.

In recent news, my baby is not yet walking. She does go from one chair to another, with a wide gap - and kinda jumps over there with this scared/excited look in her eyes, but that's it.

New things with me? Nothing yet - but we're gonna be moving this summer, don't know where. Hopefully further south than where we live, closer to the bus to take me to school, or closer to the school.

anywho - hope everyone is ok.

2010-04-03T20:01:00.001-05:00

Happy easter Everybody!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

2010-03-08T21:06:00.004-05:00

Hey dad! I'm studying for a test (see how well I'm studying?) so I'm not calling you, but I just realized that even though I did talk to you for a few minutes today, I didn't say Happy Birthday! So I'm blogging it. And after my crazy day tomorrow, I'll call and say it in person. Love you dad!

Ashley

2010-03-07T14:21:00.001-05:00

a thought

2010-02-06T21:41:00.002-05:00

" We're all connected by the inevitablilty of adversity and universality of suffering. The isolation and loneliness of stuggle are illusions. If we band together, tethering ourselves to family, friends and fellow survivors, we bolster our chances of overcoming......Ben Sherwood

What a relief that is to me.. I need all of you. I love you... Marion

?

2010-01-18T15:54:00.002-05:00

Let me ask you a question? Are you happy?

Funny

2010-01-11T17:56:00.002-05:00

Today we were talking about our animals, because Gus sucks and I was saying he's the worst thing on Earth (as a side note, Gus has peed on our floor three times *just* in the new year, and I pretty much hate him and think he'd make better dog food than a dog). Craig defended our idiot dog, said he's not the worst, but close to it. Then we started talking lightly about how our fish is "still alive" (we constantly wonder if it's alive or dead), and Connor's brain must have turned on at that moment.

Connor chimed in with, "We've had that fish for such a long time! We've had him for like, forever. What's his name again?"

2009-12-31T18:50:00.002-05:00

Ok, it's 12/31/2009 - I feel absolutely miserable and downhearted.
Sandy thinks it's because Im not smoking, John doesn't have a fucking clue. But I do know this. At this moment in time I truly hate just about everything and everybody. Should I state that? Probably not.

Life just sucks. Has for awhile. Now of course it could get a whole lot worse - like some horrible sickness (for me or anyone I love), but that doesn't appear to be enough to make me feel better.

I'm too unhappy to even write anymore.

Bye

2009-12-24T20:27:00.002-05:00

Connor, Elly, and I all visited Mom&Dad's house this weekend before Christmas - it was a ton of fun! We went to the toboggan run, sled down Sandy's hills a bunch of times, and had a good time overall. We missed you all! Mom took this picture of us on the huge toboggan about to go down the hill at Sandy's. Mom's new dog (Emma) wanted to get on the sled so bad! Elly only knows a few words, but one of them is "Snow" (which sounds like "Gnoooow" in her little voice), which definitely stems from her trip to Munga and Papa's. Fun!

I wish we all could get together for Christmas! We've got to do it soon; not for Christmas (obviously, because it's tomorrow), but soon. A summer vacation, maybe? Spring break? I just feel, especially on this night, like our family is drifting apart, and I'd love to be all together again for a few days. Anyway, gotta get going to get Connor to bed! Santa's coming!

And another thing

2009-12-01T11:36:00.002-05:00

If you're not very observant, there's another new post just below this one.

And JUST BELOW THAT ONE, there's a post where I asked for my sisters specifically to please post little wish lists for their children. I'm not sure how we're going to do this - nobody has a lot of money, and there are a lot of kids this year, so buying presents for ALL of the other kids is probably somewhat difficult.

So here's my genius idea.

Why don't we do a secret santa type thing for the kids? The only problem is that there are seven kids (Ryley, Ashley, Connor, Savannah, Elly, Samuel, Sophie) and six adults (Mom, Dad, Christine, Mary, me, Carole). That's the one hitch I can't get past, so please chime in if you have suggestions. Otherwise, it would be pretty cool to just have one kid to buy for, maybe three presents or something, and less worry about getting something for everyone.

Anyway. Or you could all keep ignoring me and pretending Christmas isn't coming.

Santa

2009-12-01T09:52:00.003-05:00

We went to see Santa last night at the mall - what an event! Connor was really excited to ask Santa for three things, but he said that he got too nervous and only remembered to tell him about a Magic Kit that he wanted (Santa has already supplied this item). Then he asked Santa if he was the real Santa, or one of Santa's brothers.

Elly cried about... 2 seconds into it. Just long enough to get a really funny picture of her screaming her head off. I think she only asked Santa for Mommy, and then she got her wish.

Christmas wish list

2009-11-28T12:48:00.002-05:00

Ok, so for us adults, it's easy - we use that secret santa thing, we create wish lists there, we have one person to buy for (or one couple), and we have a spending limit.

The kids are a different story. I don't know what sizes those little people wear, I don't know what kind of toys they want, and usually I end up calling some sister while I'm in a store, desperate to get *out* of the store because I'm dragging two children around that don't want to be there either...

So let's create some "wish lists" here for our kids, so that everyone has a chance to get a list created and toys/clothes/gift cards bought without too much hassle. I'm going to create my lists for these two brats as comments. You can do the same.

Sweet dude!

- Liz

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T08:23:00.002-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

I just wanted to post this morning with this message as our family will not be together today.

We did have a taste of Thanksgiving on Sunday with Liz's awesome meal, but not all of us were together that day either.

Anyway, even though our family has changed dramatically over the years, with family's growing, moving, busy, etc., we cannot find the time (and effort) to get together like our Thankgivings used to be. On one hand, it is kind of sad to me, and to some of you too I'm sure, but then again, life if fluid, not stagnant - it changes daily- and we do have to go with the flow or else we'd all be a bunch of depressed people. (we all might be a little of that anyway- especially of this day when we all have such fun/fond memories of this day)

So, for those of you who are alone today (Liz, Carole & Chris), please don't be too sad. Try to make the best of it. I know there is not much to do on this day (outside of the home) but there has got to be something to do inside - have a backwards day, stay in PJ's, eat ice cream, make popcorn for lunch, take a much needed nap, have a glass of wine in the middle of the afternoon. Something!

Know that I love you, know that I cherish my memories of this day with you! Even though it was a lot of work (and sometimes there was worry about how was I going to afford the meal, which you guys never knew).

I would love for it to be as it was - but it's not.

Have a Happy Thanksgivings, despite ourselves!!!

Love, Mom

i guess everyone is too busy

2009-11-20T19:56:00.002-05:00

makes me sad to see that the last post on here was sept 23. it's already 2 months later and no one posts at all. bleh

i guess everyone is too busy.

Braconid wasp on hornworm

2009-09-23T09:33:00.002-05:00

I was out pushing Elly in the swing this morning when I noticed a freaky looking worm thing on my huge tomato plant under the deck. EEEW! It was HUGE and green and fat, but it had all of these little white eggs all over it that made it especially nasty looking. I was sure we had some freaky infestation of nasty bugs, but didn't want to touch it because I'm a wimp. So I came in, got Elly down for her nap, and just had a moment to research what it was. Apparently... it's a good thing! It looks like the hornworm is a bug that'll destroy my plant, but this braconid wasp uses the hornworm to hatch its eggs, thus destroying the hornworm and producing more of the wasps that will protect my garden. Yay for nasty bugs!

This mom's thoughts

2009-09-21T07:37:00.003-05:00

I'm posting this morning because I need to get some things out of my head. It may sound like rambling, it may not but here goes:

I have always done the best I can. From the time I can remember I have tried to do just that. I have tried to please, tried to do the "good" thing, tried to say the "right" thing, tried to "be" the best I could.

I have not always succeeded. Obviously. I am human. I make mistakes. I made mistakes. I said the wrong thing. I did the wrong thing. I am wrong.

But don't lump me into the "bad", "negative" person.

I cannot be everything to everybody. I don't want to be everything to everybody. I would like to be there for you when you want or need me to be. But I am human. I cannot always be there for you at every life choice.

But that doe's not mean I wouldn't like to be. But as I stated, I cannot. Nor can you. No one can.

This blog sounds like mumbo jumbo. It is what is on my mind. All of you have children. All of you have some understanding.

I'm 56. I am on the downside of my life. I will never have all the answers. I know this now. 20, 30 years ago I did not. I was never the type of person to claim I did though. I was more of the "I don't know, or I don't have the answers type person". This has led me to be the person I am. Right, wrong, good, bad.

This has become a part of your legacy. Right, wrong, good, bad. Everyone makes life's choices. I am not the judge or jury of your life.

What I do know is this: As a women, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, employee, student, teacher - I make decisions in each and every scenario. Everyone does. I am neither good/bad/right/wrong. I am what I am. Can I change what I don't like, don't need, don't want? I can try - when IIIIIIIII think IIIIIIII need to. And then maybe I can. I have made some really good choices in my life. I have made some bad choices. Too many to go into. And too many and both good/bad results.

Like having a family. More specifically 4 daughters. It was a great choice. And maybe, just maybe, not so great of a choice. BECAUSE - each of you have to make choices. Now, before and forever. Each choice for you will be good, bad, right, wrong. And YOU have to live with your choices. And each of you have children. Each of you will feel crazy sometimes and each of you will know and already DO know how hard it can be. Would you choose differently? Would I? I would say NO. Cause you can never know.

Like loving Uncle Frank. A great choice. And yet? Many hours, days, months, of scared, and sometimes very sad times. Would I change my choice on that. No.

Anyway. I would guess this post will prompt many questions. No need. It is just my thoughts. That's what this blog is for right?

Love you all - with my heart and soul. Good, bad, right, wrong - it doesn't matter. It is.

Mom

Birthdays

2009-08-19T21:46:00.001-05:00

WTF

2009-08-11T14:03:00.002-05:00

So I just spent 15 minutes making a comment to the last blog but Craig erased it so I will start over and abbreviate.

Mary, do you know why none of us understand? Because it is a bunch of bullshit. You say that you have this 12 year old daughter that has spent 6 weeks away from you this summer and you miss her so much and that is why you want to come get her. You make up some total crap about how no one loves you or make sure to point out in pretty much every conversation with me and most likely with everyone else that you have 2 more children other than Ryley. Duh! We realize this and think about it often.

I find it interesting that your 12 year old daughter would rather be here with us and is worried that you will be mad, but is willing to face the consequences so she can spend time here. Why the hell would you even think that Ryley had something to do with any of this? She and Ashley just love being together and yes this will be the second time this year, but the first time in 12 that they had so much time together. Isn't that sad enough as it is without thinking about all of us and our own loneliness? Dad is willing to drive her to Grand Rapids so let her stay here for a few extra days but you won't even STOP BY? YOU decide to take a "family" vacation and make up some bullshit about a dog and then how your not even coming at all.

When did you become so selfish, self-centered and self absorbed? ALL Of us as a family are missing each other. Liz and I are the only ones who live an hour away and we only see each other like once a month. I haven't seen mom and dad in months! You say that it is hard to travel and always want everyone to come see you and never once have you visited me in like 10 years or more. I mean that seems wrong. MY POINT is that we are here now. MOM AND DADS! Liz, Craig, Ashley, Connor, Elly, Ryley. Why do you plan a "family" vacation when you knew we were going to be here. I TOLD you we would be here.

You are doing a great job of alienating everyone that loves you by the choices that you make. We all love you and would love to see your children, some of us for the first time. When you decide to take responsibility for your actions and decisions then maybe you will realize that you are wrong here. Deciding not to come to mom and dads, when we have all made sacrifices to come here because you think that we are all wrong here and you are right is stupid. I am angry. I am hurt. I AM happy that I at least get to see Ryley, and everyone else that is here, but YOU should be here. Whatever is going on in your head is all you. Sorry that you feel that way and I hope that you will get over yourself soon.

The world doesn't revolve around you. I don't know why I am even wasting my time here. You will see what you want to see. You will hear what you want to hear. I love you sister and I miss you. I can't speak for everyone about all of what is here but this is how I feel and no one else should feel the wrath of this except me. If others agree then they do. If I am wrong then I am wrong. This is how I feel and I wanted you to know. I am sure there is more but I'm done. Done.

2009-08-10T21:20:00.002-05:00

I can't believe there is not one person in my family who will claim to understand how I feel. I miss Ryley. She is my almost 12 year old daughter who has spent almosr 6 weeks away from me this summer, and people don't seem to think that is very long at all, ...well it is. Add on to that the fact that she is the only one of all of us, us being me, kevin, Savannah, and Samuel who is being made to feel speciel, treasured, cherished.....etc. and my feelings are out of wack and hurt for sure. I hope you all have fun, but I am hurting. Some of you, for whatever you care, have not even met Sam. whatever

Dilemma

2009-08-06T09:26:00.002-05:00

I just got an email from UofM, and they adjusted my financial aid for the better because of something Congress passed a while ago restricting schools from factoring in Veteran's Administration benefits. So, that's good! Here's the dilemma though: they are giving me a child care scholarship in addition to financial aid, and it's grant money so I don't have to pay it back. BUT, I have to provide proof that I'm sending my kids to a licensed child care provider, which means I have to... find a licensed child care provider. AND, I actually have to release my beautiful daughter into someone else's care a few days a week. YUCK! I don't know what to do! Craig and I were just planning on adjusting schedules so that he could be here when I'm in school. Letting Connor go to kindergarten is one thing, but giving Elly to someone else to take care of TOO... I don't think I can handle it! It's $3,000 a semester though.

Is it worth it? Especially after what happened to Connor? Can I HANDLE it? Help!

to liz

2009-08-03T20:56:00.003-05:00

I am not like all of you. I never claimed to be and never was held on to like I was, but I am your family, and I am not a stranger. So I do what I know,,,, I think, and have hopes and pray for you all, and myself, and I keep my chin lifted. i know I am not always right, i know there is much to learn, my road ahead is like all of yours, full of choices about which way will travel best, and I am bound to make the wrong choice a time or two. But if I don't say this to you, or at least Liz for now, than my heart will be and has been full of strife because I wish and pray and wish for her and never seem to be strong enough alone to move a mountain in her best interest. I don't care if you believe in the same way as me though it'd be easier and I wish you would, but i need to at least point out one thing. If you have no faith in anything and try to do this whole life thing on your own all the time you are bound to be confused and disappointed- no matter how smart you are. Now I have come to the belief through the years that Liz is the smartest, and I am happy to turn those rights over to her. But it is you, Liz to whom I speak mostly.... Bob Marley said in one of his songs ....that the things people refuse are the things they chose/use...and I wonder..

can it be so hard for you to have hope, or say a prayer, maybe to believe that all that you see and all that you experience is a gift,.....that you are not in control here and that you can be okay with all of that because you are so loved. I want to tell you that you are..that you are prayed for, that you are watched over and that your family will be okay, but I never want you to shun my simplicity. I LOVE YOU. please keep thinking until you realize something different. I hate to see or hear you so angry and unsatisfied. It is my belief, ..an opinion, not a fact,...that what you feel inside...if it could change ...so could your level of happiness and content.

I LOVE YOU. your sis M

Riding a bike!

2009-08-01T21:01:00.002-05:00

We saw a photo of Savannah riding her bike the other day without training wheels. Connor decided that he wanted to try too, so we went outside and took off his training wheels, and that basically served as an invitation for all of the kids in the neighborhood to pester him about how to learn to ride it. It was annoying me just to see the kids bugging Connor, and he told me later that they all made him mad too. Our "lesson" ended in frustration and anger.

Today I went to take a test, my last test of the semester (besides my final exam on Monday), and on my way out the door I heard Craig mentioning to Connor that they were going to go take a walk. I suggested to Connor that he tries his bike again, maybe just scooting along (it's a really small bike and he can reach the ground on both sides with flat feet). I guess during the walk Connor had a breakdown and wanted Craig to carry his bike the rest of the way home. Craig refused and said that Connor needed to bring it home, or else they were going to leave it on the side of the road for someone else to ride. That must have inspired Connor, because when I called on my way home from school, he answered the phone and let me know that he could now ride a bike. He called himself a "pro". HA! I didn't believe him. But he wasn't lying! He really can ride a bike now! And nobody ran behind him trying to keep him straight, he just did it himself and figured it out. I'm so proud of him!

I'm very tired and going to bed how. Love you guys!

- Lizzy

bleh

2009-07-11T03:44:00.003-05:00

that is just how i feel tonight. i wish sophie would go to sleep. i wish aaron could feed her when i didn't want to. i wish sophie wouldn't get mad at me while breastfeeding. i want to go to sleep. i wish my bed was made like a half couch/half bed.. so aaron and i could sleep together and let me be comfortable too. bleh.

Everyone ok?

2009-07-01T12:04:00.002-05:00

So I noticed that no one is blogging lately... and/or no one has checked the blog lately. Is everyone ok? Liz normally responds to all the blog entries and she hasn't even commented... so I have to think something is up. I need to call all of you and see what's going on, I just don't know when good times to call are.

I heard rumor that Connor isn't feeling really well.. Does anyone know what's going on with him? I hope he's ok. If I find anything out I'll blog it for everyone else.

Love you guys.
~Carole

Sophie and crew

2009-06-25T16:21:00.003-05:00

So - I haven't posted on here in a while...I think that makes sense to everyone who reads it. Everything is going really well here. Mom and dad visited for a few days, left on Friday which kinda sucks - but they had to go home and I get that. Sophie is doing awesome, gaining tons of weight and seemingly really content most of the time.

I had early onset mastitis, a low fever (higher for me cause my normal temp is like 97 - but most people don't know that), red and splotchy breasts, totally rock hard/engorged. Bleh - that sucked really bad. Sophie wouldn't nurse, and the pump wasn't pumping anything out! So, I got on antibiotics (found out I'm not allergic to penicillin) and started getting better about 2 days later... Man! That sucked. Really bad. On top of that pain I pulled a muscle in my shoulder/neck so I had pain there as well and the pain meds I was taking didn't help it at all it seemed. Meh.

Anywho - Aaron and I went to a lactation consultant yesterday and she helped me with Sophie's latch. Sophie seems to be doing a lot better and me too! My nipples don't hurt (except for the initial latch) and they feel a lot better. I was told I have a really heavy letdown and I should hand express before she eats so she doesn't cough/choke on my milk. Also leaky breasts are not so fun, especially when I hate wearing bras and I don't want to get a yeast infection so I want to keep my breasts as dry as possible while on antibiotics.

Heh. Lots of interesting stuff written here about my boobs. Entertaining? Heh.. I figured someone might be interested.

Want to know interesting and cute information about Sophie's boobs? Poor thing really. She's already growing boobs! They're little and perky. The pediatrician said that Sophie is getting too much estrogen from my milk and that is why she's growing boobs. He also said she might start leaking milk from her boobs and could get mastitis. =( Well... she hasn't gotten mastitis yet, cause she's not crying bloody murder or anything.. and I think that's probably because I'm on antibiotics to help the mastitis of mine, so she is on those same antibiotics thru my milk... BUT! She is leaking milk from her breasts. It's a bit strange and only seems to happen later at night. Don't believe me? Ask mom and dad - they saw it! Aaron was like 'Carole, she's milking!' I went over to see and sure enough a little pebble of white milk was coming out of her lil nipple. At least she's leaking like I leak.. instead of getting all engorged and in pain and stuff.

Heh enough about boobs? What else... Sophie weighs 9lbs as of Wednesday and drinks ~2oz of milk from me when she eats for about 10 minutes. I seem to feed her a lot, but she is a growin baby ya know??

Sleep is also pretty good. Sophie eats at night for ~15 to 20 minutes (i fall asleep sometimes while she's eating) and then goes right back to bed. So it seems to me that she's a pretty content baby. She sleeps thru out the day too, but she's up more often during the day to stare at things and look around. At night - she gets up maybe 6 times to eat, but - then normally goes right back to bed. Pooping can keep her up if she doesn't poo while feeding, but most of the time she poos while eating (every. time.) So that's what's going on with her.

I really like the cute and innocent smiles she has. She talks a lot too, just lil ooohs and ahhs but they're still really cute. Sometimes they're grunts or groans.. or i guess little baby noises. Heh - she also likes to snore while sleeping. When she was first born her nose was stuffed up. Now I think she's fine, but she gets a lil stuffy sometimes too.

Her hair is super long, and it's getting lighter. Who knows what her hair color will be the way it is now. She's definitely not losing her hair tho.. I hope she gets her dads hair, all curly and thick. It'll probably be curly - I don't see how it couldn't be... I don't really understand genetics and such, so maybe hair can skip generations and get straight hair from like mom or something. Ahh well.

Anywho - Aaron has been home from work these past couple of days... and had to work Thursday and it made me sad to see him go. I think that he's gonna be able to stay home for a while and work from home - which is really good for me. He helps out a lot and makes me feel sane. Sometimes I think I make him feel insane, especially if I'm not feeling good and such...but we'll get thru those times. I also think he doesn't like when Sophie cries. She doesn't cry much but when she does he seems to get sick. Like headachey or a stomach ache. I think it's just bein nervous...but what normal person wouldn't be nervous around a baby when they've never been around a baby before ya know?

Hmm... What else. We'll probably be coming to mom and dads sometime in July. Sophie and I have a doctors appt on the 24th of July so it'll probably be for a couple weeks prior to that. When we actually figure out time/dates I'll let you all know. We're just gonna go to mom and dads tho. No more driving than that with a newborn - so if you guys want to see us and aren't all sick and stuff, you should come to mom and dads to visit too! Eh.. Anywho - I don't know if Aaron will even get the time off - the job he's working on now seems to be never ending, even when there are deadlines and stuff. The deadlines just get pushed forward another month or whatever, hopefully we'll be able to come for a couple weeks.

Alright - I'm done writing for now. Hope you guys are all doing ok. Oh yeah - Christine! You and Russell right now are unemployed and such...which would make a great time to drive to Kansas and hang out. Check out the scenery and stuff. Unemployment rates in michigan are at 15% where they're only 6% in Kansas ;) ;) eh? Ok.. talk to you guys later

~Carole

Vaccinations and Wisdom Teeth

2009-06-25T07:08:00.002-05:00

Two days ago, I came down with some kind of sinus infection thing, and I've been miserable ever since.

Yesterday Craig had to have a root canal and a wisdom tooth extraction, so he was rendered useless for the rest of the day. Maybe for today, even.

And to top it all off, Elly had her six month well baby appointment yesterday, and had to get four vaccinations! One of them, I think it's the DTaP, causes cruddy side effects as you progress through the vaccine schedule, and this is her third booster so it's definitely causing some sadness in my little girl. She has a fever, she's really mad when you move her legs, and basically she's only slightly happy when she's in my arms. It's not like Craig could contribute right now anyway...

And in all of this, I'm feeling pretty cruddy about how Connor's getting left out - what am I going to do though? Last night he had a stomachache, and I tried as hard as I could to comfort him while I was also comforting Elly, but I couldn't stand by his bed and rub his back while he was falling asleep, and I know it made him sad.

It'll be better soon.

Where can I get an Uncle Frankie?

2009-06-22T11:59:00.001-05:00

Russell con't

2009-05-30T14:37:00.002-05:00

Okay, so it has been 10 days since I got fired. The first 3 days were a combination of awesome fun (Billy Joel/Elton John, dinner with 'rents, Beckman's) with an underlying possible doom of the love of my life.

Anyway, 10 days later, I still have a boyfriend and I feel that this has brought us closer in a way. He said some painful things to me that day we talked, but then we realized that ending us was not what either of us wanted. Which is good. So, for all of you that were worried, the One was looking over me, He came through for us.

Speaking of Him, Russell and I went to mass for the first time in our relationship. I had only ever been to mass that one other time on Christmas Eve. (Who else was there?) The Catholic church is intriguing to me. I thought the whole thing was interesting, enlightening, beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. Because of the strictness of the church and the format, it can be quite scary to be in a place where everyone in the room is saying the same thing out loud. At one point everyone in the church holds hands. I had this awkward moment where Russell took my hand then said something and kissed me on the cheek, then you turn to the person on your other side and take their hand. I don't know. What I do know is that I want to know more and I will go back. I am looking forward to getting into the classes. It feels right to me. I want to be with Russell, and he is really important to me and it is a necessry step! I don't think that I will ever be able to change my feelings or beliefs about God and Jesus and won't ever feel that one religion is right or better, but I know that whatever happens, I will have a good learning experience from it. I know that there are people in this family that will have an opinion about this, but ultimately it is my choice.

Well, now that I have sufficiently babbled about church, I just want to express that I am feeling really good right now. Russell still loves me and is happy. I love him and am so happy with him. We are going to be great together and happy and good things are on the horizon for us.

I also know that this is a difficult time for us and we will have bad days and get down, but I know that we are going to be okay and I have faith that this is the right decision to be with him and do everything I can to be happy. I always have been known to do crazy things and be spontaneous and those days aren't over. I just need to remember that I actually have someone that cares about me immensely and wants nothing else than to keep me safe and happy. ie...having 5 long islands...not the best idea...

There is more to say but I am getting bored of this. Love you guys!!! Miss you all so very much... Oh yeah... If anyone wants me to visit, I come with 3 dogs!!!

Russell

2009-05-24T04:41:00.002-05:00

Ok guys. I know everyone has been following my life as usual with a fine tooth comb. Russell has been out of town for 3 days and came back yesterday. It was really good to see him and Ashley was with me so he was happy to see her and I made tacos for dinner and both of them really enjoyed it. Russell got home about 3pm and Ashley stayed with us until about 9. My point in this is that he was on his laptop for most of that and didn't really say a word.

So, Ashley and I went to the pool and when I went to get the dinner stuff (of course we have no food as you all know), Ashley stayed with him and walked the dogs. After I dropped Ashley off at Rob's we finally had some time alone to talk. I really screwed things up this time and I'm not sure what is going to happen. He says that something has cracked in him and realizes that it probably isn't going to work out between us.

Mom, remember when I told you that he wasn't telling me he loved me this weekend when we talked? Well, I mentioned that to him and he basically said that he doesn't love me anymore. So where does that leave us? Love was what was keeping us together (isn't that a song?) I mean if he doesn't love me anymore because I drank too much on the night I got fired...did he ever really love me anyway?

Anyway, we ended up going to Muldoons for karaoke. I didn't feel like drinking at all but felt that we should get out of the house and he wanted to go. I had 2 beers and we started talking a bit there but I am pretty sure that it is over between us and I can't fix it. We left early and came back to talk more but the same conclusion still keeps coming up. We are totally different people and he can't expect to change me and he will NEVER lower his expectations. (like live in a trailer park) and I don't know what else. I guess I don't always close cupboards, and I don't care what t-shirt I wear. Clothes what?! I guess he thinks that I got fired on purpose, that even though he knew I really hated that job, that I just didn't play the corporate game and knew that I was going to get fired for it.

I don't know what is going to happen next. I don't know if we are really breaking up or if we are still going to try something. I don't know what or how Ashley is going to feel about this. I can't believe I am going to lose my job, my house and my boyfriend again! I NEVER wanted to make the same mistake twice in my life. I didn't even ask for this. There was nothing in my world that said I was going to fall for another OLD GUY.

Now I am posting this on the blog, and the reason is so you all will know what is going on right now. The reason I am posting this is because I really don't want everyone to call and want me to talk to them about what "really happened." I don't know. I am going to try and fix it but I am quite sure that it isn't fixable and I will be ending my relationship with Russell. What this means is that in a few weeks, I will be moving again and will be homeless because I will not move back in with Rob. EVER. If you have a good idea, and you feel that I need to know something, then use this forum to voice your opinion.

You all know that I am not happy right now. I actually haven't been happy for some time now. It hasn't all been the job so maybe if it doesn't work out it will be for the best. I can't really see that at this point but I know that it is a possibility. I wish that I knew what could make me happy with life. Why does life make me so sad. I know there are things in my life that are good. Ashley is an amazing child. Well, i woke up at 5am and just started crying and have been for the past hour. I think I will go back to sleep now. Indiana is looking better and better.

Aren't you all so happy I blogged!

Wow.

2009-05-22T19:42:00.002-05:00

So mom posted to the blog. I think that's crazy and awesome!! =) Cute story mom, I'm glad your hair came out looking good enough to go out in public - I want to see a picture! You and your persistence about some things (like your hair) is pretty dang cute.

So, now that I'm on the blog I think it's time for me to post. It's 743pm on Friday night and I'm pretty bummed out. I called mom an hour ago and cried to her about not being able to go to this concert I've been wanting to go to for months now. Awesome bands, a really awesome night. The weather is perfect.... and we have tickets to go. Yet - I'm not there for some reason. The concert started at 6 and Aaron was still at work. I was dressed and ready to go at 5pm, and sent Aaron a message, asking him if he wanted me to bring food up to his work and then we could go from there. He said no thanks.. so I was kinda confused. I wanted to get there before the first band played and it seemed he didn't want to go for some reason. Bleh. I've been so excited for this concert for months (we've had tickets that long) and now I'm stuck here, pretty disappointed that we can't go.

I also feel guilty for writing this blog because I'm crying about not being able to go see a concert, and for all of you I bet it's like 'Yeah Carole, we haven't been able to go to concerts for a long time, join the party". But.. I didn't want to join the party so soon. I have no baby yet. Sure I'm 9 months pregnant, and I'm going to have a baby that will have tons of needs/wants that will make me not be able to go to concerts as I please, but - tonight... today... I could have went.

The reason I'm not? It's cause Aaron is worried about me. He said theres not chairs, no seating, it's standing up for 5 hours. Ok? So lets bring lawn chairs. Problem solved. But then... he says they might not let us in with chairs.. Ok? So lets try it, if they won't let us - then ask for a wheelchair.. I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant enough they'd actually let me. (I think Aaron doesn't like this idea cause i'm not handicapp) psh. So then he says he doesn't want me to be pushed around and knocked around by all the crazies at this concert. Ugh... So... why did we buy tickets in the first place? Mer...

It makes me sad. And I hope that you all at least know where I'm coming from. I sound like a spoiled little brat, but I am gonna be a brand new mom in a few weeks, and I don't think I will have much freedom to go see a concert that I'm looking forward to seeing much after that.

So I'm bleh on this Friday night. I hope you guys are all having a good night - and enjoying whatever you're doing. Love you all

~Carole

Concert news!

2009-05-21T06:29:00.001-05:00

Oh yeah, I'M GOING TO THE BILLY JOEL/ELTON JOHN CONCERT TONIGHT!

2009-05-21T05:37:00.002-05:00

OK, so here I go - don't faint or anything either. Yesterday, I had decided to go get some highlights in my hair. I saw a customer who had some strong highlights in the front of her head and real light in the back. I thought it was adorable so i wanted the same type thing. Well... first mistake was that on my lunch hour (the salon is right next door to my work), I went in to make the appointment. My regular girl (who had cut and colored my hair many times before), was off. Now of course since I can sometimes be impulsive and I wanted it NOW, I made an appointment with a "new" girl for 5:00 who I was told had lots of experience coloring hair.
So I went there after work (containing my impulsiveness for at least 5 hours) - A cute perky girl who looked no older than 12, comes out to get me. (it turns out she is 20 and today's her 21st), Anyway I explain to her what I want: "kind of heavy highlights in the front"(to hide some of my gray) and real light in the back. Oh yeah, I needed it "trimmed evenly because I had done some of my own haircutting recently and had hacked it a bit."
So she proceeds to color- as she is doing the back, it seemed to be that she was putting a lot of lights in the back. I said, "so your doing just a little in the back right"? She said, "oh yeah you said that didn't you." So she began to lessen up.
By the time she started on the front, she was the perky, blabby type young very blond young women and I was listening to her go on about her friend who had a baby and a abusive boyfriend, I wasn't paying real attention to the amount of lights she was putting in the front. So... she done. I get under the hair dryer. She comes over after 15 minutes or so (I was comfortably reading my kindle) and says: " so do you want the lights to be yellow, golden or more white"? I said - definitely white, and so she leaves me for 10 more minutes under the dryer.
She washes my hair and proceeds to cut. As she is trimming my hair, I can see that I had pretty much botched my hair when cutting at home so she really does need to cut my hair a couple inches to "even it" out.
That's OK- it's just hair right? But - I am noticing that my hair is pretty much ALL white! I try not to panic cause it's still wet. She drys it - lo and behold - it's WHITE! At least the entire front of my head is.
I panic! It is almost exactly the color of Mary or Ryleys, but just the entire front. The back is still mostly brown with a few streaks of blond. And it looks horrible! My instinct is to run out of there, stop a walmart and get a bottle of brown and fix it at home. But I can't do it so the good catholic (guilt) that I am I start apologizing and tell her there is no way I can leave it like this. (At this point I had been there almost 2 hours and she had told me I was her last customer of the day) I really did feel bad for making her do something to fix it - but she was perky and (I also think she knew how awful it looked) told me she could fix it by putting in "lowlights". She did. So now she is re-doing it with this ORANGE looking stuff (lowlights) and I said "it's not going to be orange is it?
So bottom line: she puts all the brown back in and we wait, we dry, and it turned out pretty nice. Not really what I had in mind when I went in 3 hours earlier, it's much shorter and kind of just "frosted" (because of course the "white was still in there") but at least I can go out in public now and not feel like an aging freak!
There is no moral to this story - I just thought it was funny. Note: not at the "blond" time did I think it was funny - but after the "fix" and this morning - it was kind of funny.

A few thoughts on babies

2009-05-17T22:30:00.002-05:00

Today we went to Craig's coworker's house for a barbecue and to see their almost one month old baby. I can't quite figure these people out; for the most part they seem nice, but there are these weird things about them that I can't get past. For instance, though Fadi (the coworker) is the only one working, and Amy (the wife) doesn't have a job now nor has she ever had one, they live in a huge house in a neighborhood near ours. Fadi bought the house because it was such a good deal (it's a $300K+ house and they got it for $190K). But, considering the market and their financial situation, they could have bought a similar house elsewhere for a much better price, and then maybe they could buy some furniture for their home! I mean, this place was bare - except for the "essentials" they couldn't live without - a huge TV, a Wii, fancy kitchen tools, tons of baby gear... Anyway, maybe they're just filling in their house still. The property didn't have any grass on the ground at all - it was a zillion times worse than the lawn at our house when we first bought it (and that's REALLY bad). But, Fadi had the lawn completely sodded last week, though he didn't install a sprinkler system (he has little rotating sprinklers and hoses all over the unrealistically green grass). I'm confused because I know that Fadi is a nurse, his wife plans on making lots of babies for him and staying at home, and they have a humongous house with nothing in it. Fadi works constantly and picks up a lot of overtime, but still he can't be easily affording these luxuries. Seems... well I just wouldn't ever want to do that, so it's hard for me to grasp.

Ok, so besides that, there's also the fact that Fadi's a nurse, and according to Craig he's a good nurse, but he and his wife just seem really clueless about the whole "what to do with a baby" thing. For one, Amy was breastfeeding at first, but she says, "I wasn't making enough milk" and so they stopped after about a week. Only about 3% of women actually have problems with milk production, so every time I hear a mother give that excuse, I know that she was either misinformed, or is trying to rationalize her decision to stop breastfeeding with something that sounds logical to other misinformed or clueless people. With Connor, I know that my milk didn't really come in until I was already at home from the hospital, probably about 3 days after he was born. With Elly it was a little sooner. But regardless - the first week was full of craziness and constant feeding, but I knew that it was the way babies adjust to this world and I stuck with it. Why didn't Amy know that? Why wasn't anyone around to tell her otherwise? Ok, so they gave up right away and started on formula, and rather than using any of the baby's cues as to when she's full and when she's hungry, they're feeding her based on this schedule that the formula package has on the back of it. The baby is only 3.5 weeks old, and I know that formula fed babies get more than breastfed babies because the formula is much more difficult to digest, but the baby is getting 4 ounces at a time already! Amy was telling us that the baby was spitting up so much for a while and that she was worried she wasn't getting enough to eat. I mentioned that whenever Elly spits up it only looks like a teaspoon or so, maybe a tablespoon sometimes, but never enough to require a replacement feeding. Amy said that Amina (the baby) would spit up about an ounce or two - a LOT of spit up, more like vomiting. When I mentioned that maybe 4 ounces was too much, Amy dismissed me and said that it was what the package said, so that's what they're following. Then Monica (another nurse that works with Craig) said something about how it's so great that the baby is a good eater, and she's "a big growing girl!" (in a cutesy baby voice), and I decided it was time for me to shut up. Why waste my breath on people that clearly have their own ideas about how things should work. It just made me more confident in my decision to breastfeed, and I'm thankful that I don't have to measure stuff for Elly to eat - I just give her a boob, and when she's full she looks up at me and smiles. I'm pretty sure that means I'm giving her enough.

I dunno - Craig wants to be friends with them, and he talks about hanging out with them all the time, but I just feel like we're in different worlds. Amy said that when she was growing up, she regularly spent hours in the bathroom prepping for school by doing her hair, makeup, etc. In fact, when we left and I was saying goodbye, I noticed that she had quite a bit of makeup on (my face was bare because I didn't have any gosh darned time to do that crud in my house!) - but Amy has a 3-week old baby. Even in brand-new motherhood, she had to look perfect. Blech. I guess I like Fadi - he seems genuinely concerned with Craig's well-being and happiness.

I'm just posting to keep the blog alive, really. And I can't post these long rambling thoughts on my blog, because all of Craig's coworkers are on Facebook, and a few of them are "friends" with me, and posting about one of their favorite people in anything but glowing terms would earn me more negative attention than I want. I already feel totally out of place whenever I'm forced to hang out with them.

Hey, on a completely different topic, I have my Second Career Nursing Orientation tomorrow! I'm actually pretty excited, despite the stress that being away from Elly for 5 hours is going to cause. I have only one feeding saved up right now... how to get another two ready in the next 12 hours is going to be, in a word, difficult.

Y'know, posting some crap on the blog is really simple. Tonight I'm alone because Craig is working, and I've managed to play 3 games of Candyland, take the dog and kids for a walk around the block, put a really ornery 4.5 year old boy to bed, feed and change a baby a few times, clean up the kitchen to almost spotless, sort through a bunch of paperwork and mail, wash two loads of laundry, finish up a take-home quiz for pharmacology, and post a note on the blog. The note on the blog was the easiest and most rewarding thing, too, because I'm using it like a diary and it feels good to get stuff off my head.

You guys should try it. Like I said, it's not hard.

Peeing

2009-04-29T20:30:00.002-05:00

Why doesn't anyone post anymore? I mean, I don't have a buttload of time to be posting either, but I try to keep this thing alive.

Anyway - funny story for y'all. Today I was in the kitchen making dinner, while Connor was out playing at the park and Craig and Elly were walking around the house checking out plants. I heard Connor yell something, so I peeked my head out to see what he wanted and noticed him running out of the park down the hill toward our house. He suddenly stopped, turned around, pulled down his pants, and began peeing on the grass. I know some men pull down their pants a little to pee, most just pull out their thing through their pants and do the deed, but Connor pulls his pants down to his ankles when he pees. So, there was my kid, his little white butt hanging out for all to see, peeing in plain view of at least 10 houses. He was doing this at 5PM, when it's very likely that everyone in the neighborhood is awake and/or outside.

Craig told me that he heard the neighbors across the street yelling something like, "Hey kid! What are you doing?!?"

Connor said he couldn't hold it anymore. Sometimes when we're at other parks, especially in the winter when the park system closes off the bathrooms, I allow Connor to pee in the woods, or hiding behind a bush or something, just so that we don't have to leave for a simple thing like peeing. I always make him hide though, or at least look around to see if people are around. Apparently the only thing that sank in for Connor was "pee when you need to wherever you want to", and that's what he did.

Boys are ridiculous!

WHOA Bananas...

2009-04-20T22:12:00.000-05:00

Elly ate some banana today. She insisted upon it. She demanded that we give her that banana, OR ELSE!

We took a picture.

It's goofy.

New pictures

2009-04-06T10:48:00.002-05:00

Craig took a bunch of pictures of Elly today, and we took a few pictures of Connor and Elly at the Easter egg hunt the other day, and the overflow of pictures we've been taking inspired me to put them all in one site. There's a link to them down in the links on the right of the page, and I'll put the link here too but as we keep making new posts, this link will move down the page. The one at the bottom right will stay there until I edit it away.

Sorry, my brain's kinda numb right now, so my words are boring even myself.

LINK: Liz's pictures

Mr. Connor

2009-03-29T14:59:00.006-05:00

Hannah is my best friend, and I love her, and I'm going to invite her to my birthday and she might come.

I just went splashing in puddles because I got new boots today for splashing in.

We go swimming in my swimming class and I love it because it's REALLY fun! I also love growing because I want to swim too and it's really fun to grow up and growing up is cool!

I can read. Did you know I can read? I can.

Here's a video of us. Mom helped me type this note.

Girl post

2009-02-28T23:07:00.003-05:00

I don't really know if Dad's reading this blog at all anymore, but if you are dad, at least part of this post is not for you.

I thought of something to do to make money today; whether or not it will be profitable remains to be seen. I'm just going to make one for Connor and see what happens. My idea comes from Connor, actually, and the fact that he can never eat a meal without wiping something on his shirt, whether or not there is a napkin available. I have to constantly remind him to use his napkin, and if I ever forget to remind him, those messy fingers automatically roam up to his shirt and he wipes junk all over himself. One of our favorite shirts was just recently wrecked by spaghetti, or at least it's looking pretty ugly right now. Guess I'll have to soak it in some OxyClean.

Ok, so my idea is this: we use cloth diapers for Elly. The diaper covers are made of a fabric called PUL fabric, which means that it's laminated on one side with a polyurethane coating. This makes the fabric soft and comfortable on one side, and waterproof on the other. I'm going to get some of this fabric and make a napkin for Connor. That's not really a genius idea, but what it'll make it cool is that I'm going to sew on some alligator clips to two of the corners so that we can clip the napkin to Connor's shirt. If Connor isn't too offended by having to wear his "big kid bib" at mealtimes, I'll make a few more. Maybe cooler ones to wear when we're eating out. I think it'll save us some shirts, at the very least.

Ok, so the "girl" part of this post comes from when I was researching PUL fabrics, and I stumbled upon a link to something called a mama pad - have any of you heard of this before? Apparently women wear washable pads during their periods, and I've found a couple of sites that sell cool looking pads. It sounds weird to say "cool looking pads", but they're pretty. And washable, therefore more environmentally friendly. I've been a tampon user for the longest time, personally, because I like to feel like there's nothing going on with me when I'm on my period. Tampons are like hiding the fact that we're women, and really, that's fine with me most of the time. But we're going to be menstruating for at least, what, 20 more years? More than that, probably. That's a lot of waste we're contributing to wherever the toilet flushes to. I'd maybe be willing to try something else.

Maybe it's weird. I dunno. Here's the site I found on it http://www.lunapads.com/.

Whaddya think?

Ugh!

2009-02-23T00:15:00.002-05:00

So today, for some reason I'm super irritable.

I hate looking for apartments, especially when I don't know what I want. I think I've figured out that we need at least a 2 bedroom 1 bath, and if I can only find a 2 bedroom 2 bath, then so be it.

I also have my first test on Tuesday and it's making me nervous. I don't really care if I fail it or not, because if we get an F on the two tests we take throughout the course, but get an A on the final, he wipes the two F's away and makes them A's... His strategy is if you don't understand it right away, but grasp the concepts at the end of the semester, then you should be fine and those bad grades shouldn't hurt you. We also haven't taken a quiz or anything else that shows how he grades, so I don't know if he's the type of professor to give any credit at all or what.

Aaron is bugging me too. I don't know.. I think I'd rather have people tell me 'no' than, 'yeah sure' to a question that is semi-time related. I asked him if he would get us some brownies and ice cream. I'm studying for this test and he's playing Fallout 3. He made the brownies and wanted to eat them with ice cream, but once he started playing his game he became so involved in that. So when I asked him, and he said he would... I waited like 10 minutes. Then I looked over at him... and laughed a little. I figured he forgot, but he looked over at me and was like 'What?'... uhm... ice cream? He said he remembered and that he didn't want to get it right then because HE didn't want any. So why not just tell me no? I mean, I would have went up there and got me some. Grr.... It makes me angry. This rant is seriously unimportant, because it has to do with brownies and icecream, but I think that if the roles were reversed, I would have gotten up (yeah sure maybe after he asked twice cause I can get involved in things too) and gotten him what he asked for within reason.

The time related thing is only because it was like 930pm and I didn't want to eat a heavy snack much later than that cause I keep getting the worst ever heartburn at night. It's like a fire in my throat that wakes me up and burns like crazy. I can't do anything for it. I've tried tums a few nights in a row and then BAM, carole is constipated. WTH? Why... does one thing make others fail? I mean, heartburn or constipation while pregnant? Hmm... I think I'll take neither thank you very much.

Stupid. I'm irritable and crabby. Yikes.

Hey guys

2009-02-03T16:41:00.003-05:00

I know I've said it a million times that I'll post some pictures of me... but now I've decided it's really time. My belly is getting bigger and you can actually tell that I'm preggers. At least I can tell - and I hope most other people can tell =) These pictures were taken of me on Jan 30th.

Love you!
~Carole

Hi

2009-01-30T08:22:00.002-05:00

So here's my late notice, half assed invitation to Savannah's B'day. We are having a party tomorrow for her, and a Super Bowl Get together on her actual B'day, so that gives any of you a chance to randomly decide last minute to come down and celebrate. I didn't send evites, or invites because I know we all have lives, so ........ no pressure. I just started to think about it and thought that of all people I'd like to have there it's all of you, and I should at least invite you. But , you all know you are invited anytime anyway, right.

I can't believe she's already four. And she starts preschool on Monday. It's hard to believe how fast time goes by.

I have a ? for Liz. You've had Anatomy right. I just wondered if you had to write a research paper about anything. I'm running into a bump over and over, because I keep going to my prof. with ideas for a topic for mine and he's not allowing them because they're either a better topic for the A n' P 2 class or someone has already chosen it. So I was wondering if you have any good ideas, and maybe a good paper I could at least reference to make my life easier. I am not talking about copying or anything, anyway...

Okay, and here is my last need for my family. My IPod got stolen out of my lunch box. Ryley's lunch box got stolen at school one day, so I lent her mine and didn't think to take my player out of the front pocket. I can not believe how many things have been stolen from her at that stupid school and what's worse is the action they take is non existent. So now I am out an IPod, the first really nicer gift my husband has given me that was just for me, that I used practically every day. And I need that motivation when I work out, I doubt I would ever get through a mile or two run without it. And Kevin won't get me a new one. He's not really being an ass either, for those of you who may be thinking it, he never buys the more expensive products because historically they get lost or broken in this house. This sort of falls in that same category, except I can not accept not having one, because it has been so useful to me in the past year. I wondered if maybe any of you who would normally possibly contribute to a B'day present for me might consider pooling your efforts to get me a new one. I could even contribute, I just can't buy a whole new one by myself, and I really want one. I hope you all know I wouldn't ask except for that. It's just something to think about. No pressure.

I am off to make a three stack strawberry snowman cake as requested for my almost 4 year olds bday party.

I am swelling, zitty and pregnant, but happy to know I won't have to do this again. YAY!!!

M

So...

2009-01-23T16:52:00.002-05:00

Being pregnant is a bit strange. I don't know if you all had the same thought with your kids but, I just think it's weird. This little baby girl keeps kicking and punching me in the stomach and it just feels so weird! It's not gas, it's not that I'm sick.. it's not something I should worry about.. It's like she's all over the place too! She really likes my right side, and my lower stomach. In the ultrasound the doctor was like 'she must kick you a lot up here' on my right side... And just thinking about it, yeah she does! But before I realized she was up there - I thought those pokes and prods were just gas.. I could feel her really well down below my belly button, but - the feelings up to my right do sort of feel like a quick kick of air... so of course i just thought gas. Heh anyways - that's my thoughts for the day. How is everyone?

Gotta stir up some activity

2009-01-18T21:42:00.003-05:00

All I have time for usually is posting pictures, so in the spirit of keeping the blog alive, here I go. Whee!

2008-12-15T23:51:00.002-05:00

Man, so much stuff going on in all of our lives and no new posts for a month. That's kinda sad.

Hope everyone is doing well. Love you guys

2008-11-17T08:53:00.003-05:00

Boobs.

Ryley is getting them.

Do you guys remember when you did. I do. I don't know how long it took me before I talked to mom about it but I do remeber how they felt and how I worried. It was so sudden....there were these little hard masses behind my nipples one day, and for however long I hid this revelation, I worried that i was getting breast cancer. So anyway, I noticed tiny little things sprouting through a thin shirt one day about a week ago but I thought it was a fluke. Then, during a conversation with her later she complained that her boobs hurt really bad, and I almost told her to stop complaining so much because frankly she does that a lot, but then I remebered what I had noticed and instead said, oh, um, I think you're getting boobs honey. And do you know what my kid was actually worried about, that she was getting breast cancer. We had a whole conversation about it. I told her not to worry, and I am thankful that we had the conversation so soon after she started to develop, because worry sucks. And it's funny how you forget to mention things like that to your kids to help them prepare for changes within their body and then you'e so quickly reminded that it's your job. Well anyway...the reality has set in finally. Before bed last night she was wearing a another thin shirt again, and there they were, boobies. Staring right at me. I hugged her good night, threw myself onto the couch and let the realization that my 11 year old baby is growing up, and growing boobs right before my eyes. And do you know what, .....that's a little scary!

BOOBS. Yuck. Mine are growing and so are hers. I need a vacation.

So how are you all? Is Elly about to arrive or what?

I love you. M

Time for some campaigning

2008-10-24T22:54:00.000-05:00

heh - i thought this was relevant to things going on in the world today. =)

http://somehedgehog.livejournal.com/245807.html

love you guys!

Our crazy cat

2008-10-20T15:13:00.002-05:00

Miga has developed a weird rash on her belly lately, and it was freaking me out. I thought that for sure she has something weird wrong with her... so I made Craig take her to the vet today. It turns out, she's still just crazy! The vet agreed that her condition was "psychogenic alopecia", just like before. They also said that she's of average weight, she looks healthy overall, and the only minor addition to her crazy licking problem is that she now has an underlying skin infection. He said that it's probably due to the additional pet in our house (even though Gus is deathly afraid of her) and maybe because she can sense that Elly is about to be born. I can't exactly remember how she reacted to Connor being born... but I don't think it was this severe.

Ok, so what this all boils down to is that the only way to officially fix her is to give her Prozac. Either that or just deal with her looking like we shave her belly.

Did you know that they make Prozac for cats?

Apple picking

2008-09-25T21:03:00.002-05:00

Ok, so, I really have taken over the blog with pictures. Lately I've been either happy or too busy to really write on my blog (that's a good thing!) and because of that happy/busy feeling, I have had more opportunities to take pictures. So here they are! We had fun apple picking, even though we were attacked by bees (or so we thought, but Christine seemed oblivious to them) and we sweat like stinky pigs. We chowed on more apples than we could handle, had two or more donuts each, and enjoyed the nice early fall weather. Hope you all are enjoying it too!

Such Great Heights

2008-09-12T11:08:00.002-05:00

so this song is fun.. hope you all like it too

my turn

2008-09-11T22:21:00.002-05:00

man, so i haven't really told anyone but mom and dad, but I'm sure everyone knows what's going on in my life! it's pretty hectic right now, packing and getting everything organized. And then on top of it all i feel bad leaving Ateka, so i'm helping her find a roommate. that's pretty stressful cause Ateka is really stressed too and seemingly demanding. i'm gonna be going to mom and dads sometime next week till the 26th. so if anyone wants to see me till i don't know when you should come to mom and dads btwn next tuesday and the 26th! i may be home for thanksgiving, i may be home for christmas, but i have no idea. if all goes well i'll get a good job that gives those days off and i'll be home for one of the two.. if not both! (that'd be ideal) heh if not, i'll be in limbo and possibly working!

ok well - i am packing right now, and just needed a break from it all. hope everyone is doing alright! =)

love ya!
~Carole

Gus

2008-09-03T10:35:00.001-05:00

So, whatever. Maybe I'm the "only one on the computer" but I think that's BS. I post, Carole says things like "cute pics", and everyone else reads this blog but acts like they never have the time to post. Fine! If that's the way it's going to be, then that's the way it's going to be. And I'm just going to post pictures to it, which is probably all anyone wants anyway.

Baseball!

2008-08-31T13:56:00.002-05:00

I know I've just been posting photos lately, but we have cool photos to post! So, here are some of the Tigers game we went to on Saturday night. Fun!

Summer 2008 pics

2008-08-16T22:20:00.000-05:00

Hello?

2008-08-06T12:41:00.001-05:00

Why doesn't anyone post anymore?

Time for some Campaignin'

2008-07-18T08:50:00.001-05:00

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

Fishing!

2008-07-09T09:57:00.004-05:00

Connor and Craig went fishing today, and Connor caught a fish! He's pretty proud of himself. I don't really have a whole lot of other news to report - just trudging along with being pregnant, working, and going to school - but thankfully school's ending soon! I think I *might* take a single online course for the fall, but maybe not. I want to have a lot of time off after the baby's born, so cramming it all in now seems to be the best way to accomplish that. Anyway... here's the picture! It's pretty funny. It was taken on Craig's camera phone, so it's not the best quality, but it has the same effect (cute kid with little fish = always a good picture).

Enjoy!

2008-06-27T14:02:00.002-05:00

If I have the time to read the blog, I figure I should find the time to contirbute to it, so- here goes. I really miss Ryley, she's been gone for 2.5 weeks and I miss her immensely. And I think I also don't miss something, and it's poking around in my brain a little but I can't put the right verbalization to it, but I'm gonna try. See, this whole two family parenting thing has managed to work its way in and change my thinking. Where now with Savannah, I never have a free moment, I was forced to have free time with Ryleys situation, and I struggled with it so much because I didn't want it. Now though, I feel in some ways spoiled by Ryleys situation and at a disadvantage at home each day with Savannah. I don't get a moment to myself. And when I do, I'm in class, thats it. Not when I'm sleeping, eating, using the restroom even, at no time do I get to be alone. Moms are amazing. No one needs dad in this home nearly as often as me, and I'm stretched. Now, Ryley will finally come home tomorrow and we'll be one big happy family again, but no wait, ....all the girls do is fight and I pull my hair out trying to find a way to give them both what they need, and seperate them at the same time. So, now that she's coming home, I want to send Savannah away. And I'm crabby because Savannah won't take a nap she desperately needs right now, and she's fake crying in the background and I want to beat her, but if I do that then I will feel bad about the violence that won't serve it's disciplinary purpose anyway, so what. Maybe I'm crabby. This Nuva Ring birth control may not be for me. I think it's making me crabbier, I think it's effecting my skin and my sex drive, I think I may have an infection so I keep waiting for the signs to progress so I can treat it but they haven't, so I am left wondering if this new stupid birth control just causes irritation. Great method, make a women not want to have sex because she is constantly reminded she has a vagina because its always burning, then you don't really need to medicate her too, cause who would want to use that damn body part anyway. Well maybe my husband would still like to use it, so it's sort of really too bad for him. The docs said I should give it a whole three month trial before I decide, but the more impt. question is why the hell am I on birth control anyway. I don't want any more children. Not unless I was rich and could afford nannies, because as I mentioned previously, I am a mother who wants vacations and days off, and camps to send them to when they are teens to raise them up right when its too much trouble for me. Not really, or maybe not to that extreme, but anyway. What do married couples do when one wants to have more and the other simply doesn't. I really think domestically speaking I am a better cook. I don't want more kids. How do i just go and have my tubes tied. I can't. So I'm left to take birth control, and I haven't experienced my own hormones in years, and I know I really love sex when I get to experience it with out my body being kept hormoneally even, and that's what I want right now. Any Suggestions.

I have used the blog to thoroughly vent now, so what do you think, what's your analysis, am I just awful, or angry. I love you all. M

Funny site...

2008-06-20T13:29:00.001-05:00

Puzzle Farter

Where is everyone?

2008-06-16T11:17:00.003-05:00

Nobody's posting lately. I'm just as busy as the next person - if we can't all talk in person, we can at least post updates on this thingy, right?

So the other day I'm driving to class and I saw a big huge turtle crossing a busy street in Ann Arbor. Everyone was slowing down and driving wildly to avoid hitting the turtle, who obviously needed to get to the other side, otherwise I'd think he would have waited until a calmer time. Anyway, I thought it was cool, and I called Craig and Connor to tell them about it. I fully expected Connor to answer the phone; he's very adamant about being the one to answer any and all ringing phones lately.

He answered, and when I told him what I saw, he asked in a very straightforward and logical tone, "Was the turtle holding another turtle's hand?"

Because every time you cross the street, you should be holding someone's hand. Safety in numbers.

Then he asked, out of concern for the turtle, "But you didn't squish it with the silvery car, right Mom?"

Man I love that kid.

Deck Photos

2008-06-04T10:21:00.002-05:00

Here's the link to the photos of our deck - the pictures are all pretty big so rather than emailing them, I uploaded them here so you can see small shots of 'em and download the full picture if needed. Hope you guys can all come out to see the finished product soon!

Love you,
Lizzy

Deck Photos

GRRRRRR.... deck

2008-05-28T22:04:00.002-05:00

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO freakin' glad that dad is here helping us to build or deck, and by helping I mean that basically he's doing it, and once in a while someone is able to help him out a little and they feel really good about doing it. Over the past few days, because of the work that both Craig and dad have been doing on that deck, I have had little issue with cooking, cleaning, and catering to the needs of the actually hard-working men around my house, even though I'm a somewhat feminist bitch most of the time. They're working hard! I wanted to go out and buy a chair for dad just because I was amazed at what he was doing out there, and wanted to make sure he was comfortable after working all day. After all, he's 61 years old. It's pretty impressive.

Having said all of that, this whole process is incredibly annoying, and just became that way... yesterday.

Craig's dad is here. And it's somewhat necessary, because I couldn't take an entire week off work to build the deck, and someone needs to be around to play with, watch, get food for, and teach our son things while important "man" work is also going on. But he's a waste of space, creepy, and generally just gets in the way. If he's not actually physically in the way, just his presence is providing a distraction for dad that may at times be appreciated but I think mostly is not useful for the calculating he's constantly doing in his brain. I mean, dad's having dreams about the deck in his sleep. Building is what he DOES - and I think he enjoys doing it with few interruptions. Maybe. But then Neil comes over and acts all manly, when mostly he's just going outside and talking old man shit with dad, and acting like he's DOING stuff, and the WORST FUCKING PART is that he talks to me like he knows what he's fucking saying. Like, "Listen little lady, let me tell you about pressure treated wood." GOD. When DAD wants to tell me that kind of stuff, I just shut up and listen! I take the information he's giving me as textbook kind of shit, you just listen to it and know that dad's right about this crud! BUT NEIL IS AN IDIOT. I'm afraid to allow him around my child for an extended length of time alone, and now he's in my house and doing stuff and interrupting my CHI! AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

SOMEONE HELP ME!!!

I'll get over it. I just wish he'd go away, or a fairy godmother would come and replace him with a sister or someone more fucking TOLERABLE. Sorry - I know this is a family blog and I shouldn't swear so much, but they're all upstairs watching sports and acting like GROSS MEN and I hate it more than I can bear. ICK ICK ICK. Anyway. At least I have my basement.

So

2008-05-27T13:58:00.001-05:00

This blog needs some life. That is all.

Marshmallow Marshmallow!!!

2008-05-17T18:13:00.003-05:00

Hey guys!

2008-05-10T18:53:00.002-05:00

So my semester is almost over! One more final to go and then I'm done! woo! I have had such a long semester it seems like Monday can't come quick enough really. 8am-10am final. Oh man. I am studying right now and really needed a break badly. I've been here for about 3 hours now and I'm actually getting stuff done. Talking to a lot of people who have been in school, I have realized that no one uses the stuff they learn in school in the real world. It seems situational to me at least. If you work somewhere as an engineer, your boss will have you do the same thing over and over again, and that stuff you will learn. But in school, it's just giving you a background of what you may need to know. That makes me feel better at least, because I don't really understand this physics, but I'm at least starting to understand how to figure out the math. If someone came to me and asked me something about electrical fields, or magnetic fields tho, I would have no answer. Aaron and I talk about these things sometimes, and he seems to retain so much information. Except, he is an electrical engineer, so he had to apply more of the electrical fields and such into school, and he uses it at work too. So I guess that's just the way you retain information. You just gotta use it more than for one semester.

Anywho - I haven't talked to any of you really about life lately. Heh, my life seems like it's going good. I haven't gotten word about the scholarship yet, which is really stressful but it'll come soon hopefully. I guess no news is better than a denial. =) I really want to get this scholarship so I'm still hopin that it comes thru!

This semester I'm a B student. It's aggravating but I tried really hard in all of my classes. I think I overloaded myself tho. I took too many hard classes, and took on too much stuff. Along with having a life sometimes, it was just too much to keep straight A's. Mom said something to me about how I could have done better. It kindof bugged me cause of the tone in her voice was like almost disappointed. But B's are good! I know I could have done better but I would have had to sacrifice my relationship with Aaron, and I'm really happy I didn't do that.

Aaron is awesome. He's definitely a keeper =) I know only Mari has met him, but I think I'm going to bring him in slowly. And since he lives in Kansas it makes it easier to bring him in slow too. Heh... I like him a lot. He seems to like all the stuff I do and more, which is fun. We went to the sand dunes one day while he was here and had an awesome time. I don't think I could have found a more awesome person for me tho. Like - most gamers don't like going outside, heh - and all they do is play games... He's not like that at all. So that makes me happy.

Hmm... what else. Well if I get this scholarship I have an internship somewhere this summer. I'm pretty excited about that! arg, so hopefully. If not, I'm going to sign up for some online classes and just live like I have been. Off the GI bill. Heh, yeah - that's my plan as of now. If I take online classes and don't get the scholarship I'll have more time to come visit people and such. I'll be in Kansas for a while too - so theres that as well. I just don't know as of yet where I'm going to be or what I'm going to do.. so it kindof sucks.

I'm going to Kansas on monday for a few days, and then off with mom, aunt Carol and aunt Sandy to Jenny's graduation. I'm pretty excited. Get to go see the niagra falls too! I'm expecting it to be like the grand canyon. Something beautiful and huge, but after one or two times of seeing it I'll be happy. I do want to go back to the grand canyon one day, but to hike down it, not just stare at it. That's actually quite boring once you've looked at it. Woo a hole in the ground that's massive. I guess that's with a lot of things, you gotta get involved to get excited about it.

Well love you guys. Hope you're having a good weekend! I'll tell Christine to check the blog every now and then. I check it all the time, I just never seem to have the time to post! Well the summer is here so hopefully I'll have more time now. Love you guys

~Carole

Aliens!

2008-04-29T09:45:00.003-05:00

Hey! We heard the baby's heartbeat today! It was pretty stinkin' cool. It seems like up until this point, it's just annoying to feel weird all the time - but nothing truly different is happening. I'm just feeling fat, bloated, gassy, ugly, moody, crabby, and my boobs hurt - but for what? And then today, after 6 weeks of waiting, we finally got some confirmation that something real is happening in there - the heartbeat was 172bpm, which is pretty high (but normal for a developing fetus), and perfect sounding! I wanted to take a tiny video so that we could put the sound online, but I forgot... And that bums me out because I wanted Connor to be able to hear it! He may not quite understand yet though - after all, he's expecting my belly to be BIG, and it's not quite there yet. It'll get there though. We don't have the next appointment until June 10th! They space these things out quite a bit, but probably since she thought everything was going so well so far, it's for the best that I don't have to go in as often. It's hard enough finding time to do everything else in our lives, let alone go to the doctor so frequently for someone who's not even born yet. WHOA. Another baby. I really like the new midwife - I think we saw her a few times before, but she's way nicer than our midwife from last time, and I hope she's there from now on. Her name is Holly Powers, and she said she went into midwifery after she already had a degree in History and almost a master's degree - but then she changed her plans and went this route! Sound like what I want to do. And she was really excited about me wanting to do it too. Anyway. I should work - I've missed all morning (whew) and now there really are things to be done.

The new girl at work

2008-04-15T10:55:00.002-05:00

There's a new female employee that recently started working at Aliquant, about 3 days before Ravneet left. She actually wants to be a computer programmer, and she's excited about this job because it's a step in the right direction for her, so I try to lay off being negative around her out of common courtesy. We're FaceBook friends, and she noticed I had a website (I don't make it hidden or anything), so the other day, I got this email from her. The thing about Rachel is that she has a Bachelor's degree in Women's Studies and a Master's degree in Visual Studies from the University of California Irvine, so she really doesn't fit in here. She's impressive, and yet very humble (and amazingly, with all of her education, she's decided to switch careers into computer programming). She's very unlike Ravneet because combined with her education, she's also a bit older and "wiser" - I don't know a lot about her yet except for that she's intelligent and quiet. Here's what she wrote in her email to me:

I sat down last night and thought I'd take a look at your blog for a few minutes. Well about an hour later, I had read the whole thing ... every single entry. It reads like some kind of perverse cross between Office Space and the uncensored version of The Diary of Anne Frank and is fantastic. You have a true, clear voice, which is a very rare thing. You can take a look at mine if you like. It is not really nearly as wonderful as yours, but in your honor, I wrote a new entry about the workplace.

2008-03-28T15:34:00.002-05:00

study help

2008-03-08T10:58:00.002-05:00

So, this week I had a midterm, and I don't know for sure, but I think I kind of bombed it. I have done really well in the class so far, but all of her quizzes have been more about definitions, than short answer analysis. And I thought I was really prepared. But I sort of had a nervous breakdown when I read the short answer questions, I never had thought in the way her questions were expecting me to. And with limited amount of time and the pressure of that, I lost it. It has been a long time since I have had to take a test like that, but I absolutely can not let that happen again. So what can you all suggest to help me. I have been beating myself up for 2 days now, and I need to move forward instead of dwelling.

So anyway, how the hell are all of you? I love you. M

Hilarious

2008-03-05T16:31:00.000-05:00

Ok, Aunt Jane has somewhat redeemed herself...

2008-02-29T13:15:00.001-05:00

Not really though. But I like this riddle anyway (another forward from Aunt Jane):

What is greater than God, More evil than the devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you'll die?

Aunt Marilyn

2008-02-27T15:06:00.003-05:00

Does anyone have Aunt Marilyn's email address? I want to learn how to speak Spanish again. And Ravneet wants to talk in French to someone, so because Aunt Marilyn was a teacher, and is fluent in so many languages, I figured she'd be a good person to contact for info.

Oh, and I'm going to reply to Carole's post in a second too. Just had to get this out there.

Religion

2008-02-25T16:11:00.002-05:00

So, I know I haven't blogged in forever but, I wanted to know what your guys opinion was on religion in relationships. I'm in a theology class as you all know, and I have been thinking a lot about religion lately. I have come to the conclusion that I have my own ideas about life, creation, and all that is good. There are so many people in my life that are of different religions and even if they're the same religion, they're of different sects and such.

I don't want to go into full detail as to why I want to know your guys opinion but, lets just say - I tend to push people away (from a relationship) who have faith towards one religion or another, and towards their God because I figure it won't work out in a relationship anyways.

There are many more things to think about when in a relationship than just yourself, and I think that in dating, relationships, and marriage, couples should have similar viewpoints. Maybe this is just me, but - how would you raise a child if you believed differently? Or what if one thought blah was good while the other thought it was bad because of their faith and teachings? Would that cause certain types of arguments? Create tension between the two people? Wouldn't that cause animosity and resentment in some cases?

I was thinking on talking to someone who is much more versed in religion than I am. Someone who could tell me what they think is right/wrong about these ideas of mine. I just wanted to see what my sisters and family viewpoints were on this subject before I did that.

Hmm.. I hope you all are doing well. I might just start blogging more often. Maybe not in the next 9 weeks, but probably after that.

Love you guys.
~Carole

Emails from Aunt Jane

2008-02-13T13:18:00.005-05:00

In response to the 6 emails I got from her today, I was really really tempted to send this out. I'm ok with junk mail, but Aunt Jane's junk mail is mostly either political or religious, and it only gets on my nerves because I think she's under the impression that everyone shares her views, and we all want to read about how we should be afraid of Obama, or how if you just send out this one more cheesy email, you'll spread the love to all of God's children. Blech. I hope at least she reads this blog (not likely, seeing as how NOBODY reads the blog), but it would make my day if she ever did. Cuz I don't have the guts to send her the email directly - I can't see the point of making another old lady mad.

Aunt Jane,

I'm not sure if you knew, and I don't really get upset over the emails you send (because the vast majority are just forwards), but my husband and I are fairly liberal in our views, he's Jewish, and we despise the Bush administration. So emails about how great Bush is, or how terrible Obama is, or how I should pray more... these are all going in one ear and out the other with me, and I think maybe you should save your energy (the extra click on my name could eventually cause carpal tunnel syndrome), and don't send me useless junk anymore.

Sincerely,
Liz

On Feb 13, 2008 12:02 PM, wrote:
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "John Nye"
To: "Ed Bickford" , "Klos, Walter" , "Bruce Jeffers" , "Gene Sieczka" , "Warren & Shirley Young" , "Jane Bellaver"
Date: Fri, 8 Feb 2008 16:04:59 -0500
Subject: Fw: FW: Chelsea Clinton
I like the way the words flow.
John

Chelsea Clinton recently discussed current events with a U.S. soldier. She asked if, as an American fighting man, anything scared him. He told her there were only three things he feared:
1) Osama
2) Obama

AND
3) Yo Mama

Happy Birthday Savannah!

2008-02-01T15:24:00.000-05:00

We wish we could be at your party tomorrow! You'll probably get our present late, but we hope you like it! Have FUN!

Love, Aunt Lizzy, Uncle Craig, and Connor
Oh, and Connor's little pet, and Tulio... and I suppose Miga wishes you a Happy Birthday too.